英語幽默句子，英語如此搞笑，翻譯如此殘暴！
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
開始我直接求上帝賜輛自行車。後來我琢磨上帝辦事兒不是這個路數。於是老子偷了一輛然後求上帝寬恕。
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永遠不能戰勝一個純SB，因為他會把你的智商拉到跟他個水準，然後用豐富的經驗打敗你.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以為我想要的是職業，結果發現我只是想要工資。
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
直譯：知識就是說你知道番茄是一種水果；智慧就好似不要把它放進水果沙拉裡。
意譯a：知識就是告訴你說應該把雞蛋放進籃子，智慧則是叫你不要把所有雞蛋都放進一個籃子。
意譯b：所謂知識就是知道韓少和小四都屬於80後，但智慧告訴你最終還是男女有別。
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅著咱們呢，大夥好歹喜感點吧！
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子就是：你先花2年，教丫們走路和說話。然後你再花16年教丫們坐定和閉嘴。
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says"If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
當我填表的時候，有一項是“緊急情況聯繫：” 我填上了“醫生”，到時候我媽能幫上什麼忙？！
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
直譯：小孩子要中間名，純粹是為了讓他知道他啥時候真的有麻煩了。
意譯：起個全名就為了揍孩子前可以底氣十足地喊出來。
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
跳樓的時候，“啊——”的時候還沒死， “啪！”那才是死了。
